Hospitali...sike!

First of all, I do know that the correct way to spell "sike" is "psyche." But I have spelled it that way since the 80's and old habits die hard.

If you were to go back in time (or scroll down) to one of my previous posts, I talked about the hospitality training we all were 'required' to go through. I think I may have beaten the system! I have managed to slip through the cracks! It was pure genious. I was downstairs in the break room and finally decided to sign up for a time. I kept forgetting to sign up and I never had a pencil when I did remember, so my intentions were pure. So I finally remembered and had a pencil and signed up for the next day from 9-10. I just happened to pick the slot that was kinda squished between the other lines and had the least amount of space to write in. In order to fit my loooong name in the space, I had write fairly small. The next day, I waited and waited, but no manager ever came and got me from my spot to go through it. I held my breath the next few days, and after a couple of weeks passed, I figured I was in the clear. VICTORY IS MINE! Take that Ronald McDonald! I got your hospitality right here clown man! HA! If asked, I DID sign up in a legitimate time slot (speaking of "legit..." I just heard "2 legit 2 quit" on the radio the other day, and yes, I did the motions to it. I also debated being late to work today so I could sit in my car and listen to the end of an Ace of Base song that had just come on) so my part was taken care of. I want to know if everyone took it, but I have refrained from asking, as they might have spies implanted among us...

Groundhog Day

Have you ever wished you could have a "groundhog day" where you could say whatever you wanted and it all be erased the next day? I sure did today. It was a level orange today at Mcd's in terms of grumpy people. You would think on a sunny Friday morning, people would be happy but people were mainly grumpy. Some guy yelled at me because of the prices of his sandwich. Last time I checked, no one was holding a gun to his head telling him to eat here. He ordered two sandwiches without the sausage and then exclaimed, "That's the same price WITH the sausage!" Yes, sir, it is. "Why can't I get a discount if I don't get sausage? I'm paying for something I'm not getting." I almost lost it there. I kinda held up my hands in the "wow, calm down" gesture and said, Hold on, let me check if I can get it lower for you...my goodness!" yeah, that last "my goodness" was out loud. Didn't mean for it to be but it was. Finally he got tired of waiting and I told him if he wanted a refund they would take care of it up front. He just shook his head and said never mind.

I had a good one the other day too. Some guy pulled up after paying and he had ordered two fish sandwiches and a drink. I told him it was about a minute on the fish. #1 - we usually over estimate the time so they feel that it's shorter. #2 - we were going through a lot of fish that day because it's lent. So I ask him to please pull up and this is what follows:

"Sir, it's about a minute on your fish, so if you could please pull..."
"NO. I've waited long enough. I want something NOW."
(Oh, I got somethin' for you.)
*surprised stare from me*
"sir..."
"I want two cheeseburgers. Get me 2 cheeseburgers. I can't wait any more."
"Sir, I can't help how fast it cooks"
"Neither can I."
"I know that."
"Good. Now I want two cheeseburgers."
"I'll have to give you a refund because of the price difference."
"uh...yeah. I figured."
"Let me see what I can do"
My manager at this point it really upset with the guy (you know him Cowboy) and by now, the fish are ready.

I bring it back to him:

"Here's your drink. And your fish."
"So you're telling me after all this, they were sitting there? You had them"
(Yeah, I was just teasing. We had them all along. Ha ha ha.)
"Well, by the time we were done 'talking' about it, the fish were done."
"thanks."

Oh the joys. But it's all good, it keeps my job interesting. What else would I blog about?

I'm a real boy!

Saddu and I have now experienced the "real/fake job" phenomena. Apparently, there are some jobs that are "real" and some that are not, meaning they are "fake." I am somewhat puzzled by this job-tier that exists in people's minds. What exactly makes a job "real" and another fake?

We discovered this by having people ask us again and again when we were going to get jobs. Giving them puzzled looks, we reply, "I work at the grocery store/I work at McDonald's" repectively and the response is overwhelmingly the same. They look at us, then their faces brighten as if they've discovered why we acted confused and they know how to fix it. "No, no! a REAL job!" Um...don't I get paid with the same money you do? Do fake jobs have a different currency that can only be used in certain places?

Another interesting piece of this puzzle is that there are LEVELS of "fake jobs." McDonalds certainly ranks among the lesser of the fake jobs, while other fast-food establishments i.e. Subway, KFC, Sonic, Dairy Queen (clearly the highest of the fake jobs) rank higher. What causes this? I am perplexed. I wonder at what point a job becomes "real?"

I have a new hobby!!

I was informed the other day that my major isn't really a major, it's a hobby. I guess that's a step down from being an addiction.

So I got hit on in the drive-through today. Saddu, I knew you would especially appreciate that one! It wasn't smooth at all. Mere child's play compared with a certain Austrian we know and love. (If you don't know that story, please ask, it's a good one. MC, you should totally remember that and don't even try and say you weren't impressed, maybe even a little bit jealous...) These boys had much to aspire to. My standard has risen to a level which will be nearly impossible to beat. I thought the Orange-Man in Tanzania had it beat, but our Austrian friend set the bar higher. Hey! That's what we should study Saddu!! We should travel the world, studying pick-up lines and "I'm hitting on you" tactics. The "Geography of Flirtation." I like it. I think that's going to be my new line now when people ask me what I'm going to do with my life/major.

Today was a "level yellow/bordering orange" day in the McDonald's world. Our computers crashed right during lunch, which made me incredibly happy and caused the managers to spiral into a power-trip frenzy as they each tried to be the McHero of the day. I stayed in the front drive and watched the chaos. I caught some of the brunt of my managers' anger simply because I was there, so I just shut my mouth and rode it out. So that was fun in the morning. The afternoon was fairly slow, but picked up with the guys that tried to hit on me, and then slowly entered the "bordering orange" phase as the highschool employees started arriving. (oh by the way G-Pac, the cause of your McDonald's crisis ended up quitting. Not sure if it was a "I quit" thing or a "we strongly suggest you quit" thing. ) The highschoolers are NOT fun to work with as they have a completely different work ethic than the older day shift crowd. I had "helpers" today, meaning I had one girl who was supposed to be on front counter who kept trying to hand out orders for me. I was the presenter and she would bring in a sack and say, "Can I hand it out? I want to hand it out!" "This if FUN!" Of course, she tried to hand out the wrong order and we had to fix all of that and then she wanted to serve off my orders which is where I draw the line. I have to be the one to serve my orders otherwise I get confused. Then I had the guy taking orders who would grab my receipts and put them on the napkins and line them up in random order so I would have to search for the right order when I was handing it out. My life would be so much easier if I just grabbed the receipt from the machine. We also had two girls cry in the span of 10 minutes. Ah, another day at the office...

McDonald's Exclusive!

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. Access to a computer has been rather difficult (no, that wasn't a shot at you or our establishment, Cowboy). Anyways, I thought you all would appreciate a little bit of exclusive McD news that can be yours before everyone else discovers it. We are introducing a NEW sauce! How incredibly exciting!!! It is the...*insert drumroll here* (Hey Cowboy, did you learn how to do a drumroll in your stint playing the drums? I've always wanted to do that) Chipotle BBQ sauce!!!! *collective gasp* Yes, a new sauce will join all the old favorites. This will come out Thursday I believe, when, we will be handing out free samples of Chicken selects to try and boost sales. I personally think the selects were a lame idea.

More insider trivia...On the inside of a Chicken Selects box is written the word "Selects." That word is exactly 3 inches long and each piece of chicken you receive should be that length or longer. So if your chicken doesn't measure up, you're totally getting jipped! HA!

Random news--posted on our wall-o-fun, is a full color poster of the "ways to detect fraudlent...McDonald's Certificates. WHO DOES THAT?! No where in the store does it tell you how to find counterfeit money, but if you try and pass a bad certificate, consider yourself caught. It's insane all the "security features" they have. It's a MCDONALDS CERTIFICATE. No one cares that much! They have watermarks and tiny words and all that sha-baz. Craziness.

Well, there you have it. All the McDonald's news you wanted, and a little bit more.

Things

This past weekend, my brother and his fiance came up to visit me and I must say, my respect level for her went up a notch, maybe even 4 notches. We went bowling after dinner and I showed her where the bathroom was. We were in there and she was talking BUT, there was complete silence when we entered the stalls and the stall doors closed. Nary a word was heard until we were in the "semi-safe" zone for conversation in front of the mirrors. My respect level totally grew after that point! Some of my friends, (oh, you know who you are) could take a lesson from her vital knowledge of bathroom etiquitte.

Ponies are the ba-jizzle!

I was at work the other day, serving customers their "texturized patt[ies] of genetically engineered cow[s]" to quote William Least Heat Moon, when a new Happy Meal toy was brought out. The boy's toy is some action figure thing I've never heard of, but the girls is none other than My Little Pony. Generic of couse, due to the lack of a real tail. One of my co-workers and fellow McGlee Clubber declared that "My Little Ponies are the schiznit (language?)!" "Fo-shizzle!" I replied under my breath.

In the pit, on a cold winter's day, I found myself given a pair of gloves to wear. Not just any gloves, but McD gloves, complete with a big golden M for all the world to see. Since I was taking money, I was given the one with the fngertips cut off. These made me incredibly happy and I wore them, big M and all, with pride. I handed money back to a girl who said: "Nice gloves. They kick *beep* (I KNOW this one's 'language')!!" I couldn't help but be taken back to a time not so long ago, where that very phrase was used. Saddu, you should totally be with me here. In case you have put that experience out of your mind, (which I doubt you have) think storms...particularly hurricanes. Ah, the storms were a-brewin' that day. Anyways, I busted out laughing and had to shut the window for awhile to gain my composure.

Practice makes perfect...

I am saddened that G-Had missed our McGlee Club practice the other day. A few minutes too late...It was a good practice. Our best was "Hooked on a Feeling." Cowboy, you were there, but I'm sure you didn't notice the choral display that was going on behind the counter.

The count is now two for the number of people who have asked me for their food "to go" in the drive-thru. Are they serious? I am SO tempted to hand their food out on a tray and then say, "Oh, I'm sorry! You wanted this to go, right?" What would they do?

For reason's unbeknownst to me, the management has decided to make us suffer through "Hospitality Training." Oh the horrors. I got a little taste of that badness today on my break. I almost escaped, but no such luck. They show the computer program/video thing down in the break room and usually they let you take your break out in the lobby so you don't disturb them. Seems to me, if they were practicing their "hospitality-ness" they would let us still eat in the break room. Anyways, no one warned me they were down there so I'm walking down the stairs and see them and stop in my tracks. But the head manager spotted me and waved me in. Oh joy of joys. The program was so beyond corny, it wasn't even funny. You have to play little games where you pick what response you would have towards a customer. One was an old lady who's sitting at a table and asks you to refill her coffee cup. You can choose, "Why YES! I would LOVE to!" or "Um, the coffee's over there." The latter makes me laugh more so I would tempted to pick that but it makes the computer upset. The two ladies going through it and I all agreed that all rude customer's should be directed towards managers. Our manager just laughed, but I don't think she knew we were serious...

Then they have these two "agents" who are given the task of finding what "true hospitality" is. So they go in search of McDonald's employees, which if you ask me, is going in a completely different direction. Anyways, they interview employees in their homes which would creep me out and the employees are so cheezy and give these horribly non-realistic responses. I think I had an "are you serious" look on my face the whole time. I had to hold back some comments too, since the 'top' manager was there. I could tell the other two people who were suffering with me were thinking the exact same things. I finally choked down my breakfast which didn't taste so good anymore and escaped. I even cut my break short to escape! It's brutal. I have to go through it tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes...