Ronald McDonald - if that's your real name

Ronald, as I like to call him, creeps me out. First of all, clowns creep me out, but he just kinda takes it to the next level. We had some fry packages and cups that had pictures of him laughing, but it looked like he had fangs and was going to eat you.

A co-worker told me once that he thinks Ronald McDonald is really Michael Jackson in a clever disguise.

McGlee Club

One of my friends at work belted out with the song, "It's a heat wave" the other day and then decided that we should start a McGlee Club. We held practice in the front drive-through the other day. it seems promising.

I get tired of seeing "Mc" before everything. McFries, McNuggets, McValue, McD sanitizer...the list goes on and on. I think I'll start calling everything that and see if it annoys people. Example: "here's your McDrink and your McSandwiches. Oh, I forgot your McStraw. The McNapkins are in the sack." I was inspired to do that when another friend was my runner and was saying "McSandwiches." Would you like some McJelly with your McBiscuit? That would rule.

If you are a rude customer, Friday was your day. You should have headed to McD's, because it was Rude Customer/Co-worker Day. Maybe everyone was depressed because it was warm for a day and then it went back to gloomy. My co-workers were rude and impatient, and so were the customers. Oddly enough though, the manager who seems not to like me too much was in an exceptionally good mood. Hmm...I had a lady come through and tell me exactly how many cars went before her before I took her order. I told her that if you are in lane #2, the person who is taking your order also takes money, so it is slower because you have to take money, take an order...so either way, either the orderer or giver or money has to wait. And she only waited MAYBE a minute at the very max. The guy at my window was counting change as slow as possible. I wanted to leap out of the window, and just grab the money. It wasn't even exact change! So the lady then told me, "well, I guess I'll just go through lane 1," in a manner that I think was supposed to be insulting. I just smiled and said, "Probably a good idea!" It won't hurt my feelings!

Another odd thing - This week, many people passed my window to pay. I don't see HOW you can miss it. There's a big sticker of Ronald McDonald waving. People just drive on by. Then I have to hang out the window and try to get them to back up. Usually they pull back and say, "they told me the SECOND window," like we have no idea what we're talking about. Then I patiently say, this IS the second window, see? I point back to the one that says "NEXT WINDOW PLEASE." DUH!! Then, I had about three people to started to drive on and I opened the window and said,

"Sir?!"
He then said. "Um, Hi. I"m supposed to stop at the second window."
I gave him a blank stare and said,
"This IS the 2nd window."
"Are you sure?"
Oh! My bad! I'm totally at the wrong place! I'm just here to say hi and try and distract you from the right window.

Are you serious?! Three separate people did that. I would say "you pay here" and they would tell me that they were supposed to stop at the 2nd window. What in the world did they think I was there for? Was I merely a distraction? Was I some theif trying to steal their money before they reached the proper window?

Then I have others that say, "Oh we stop here? I didn't see it." How can you NOT SEE IT!? IT'S A BIG GIANT BRIGHT STICKER OF RONALD MCDONALD!

Whew. Got that out of my system!

IceCapades

Tuesday night, I decided to trek to the library to check on grad school stuff (I know, amazing, right?! I had a sudden burst of inspiration). It was about 8:30pm and I go out to start my car. I get in, start it, and then see that I need to scrape my windshield. I turn on the dome light to find my scraper and get out of the car. Growing up in the city, it is still deeply ingrained in me that everytime you get out or into the car, you lock the door. So I did and then I thought, "that's silly, I'll lock myself out!" Ha ha ha! Ha ha...click. Yes, my door has swung shut (the joys of parking on a hill). And as if it was taunting me, it was not all the way shut, just that annoying half-way shut, where you have to kick it to close. My house key AND phone are both now locked in the car. I try everything possible to get my door open, even trying to pick my lock. There was a bit of kicking involved too, although I never expected that to open the door. Great. Now what? I decide to suck it up and walk to Casey's. It's icy and surprisingly, I never fell. We had a few close calls, but never a solid full body connection to the ice. So if you happened to be driving down Main, you would've seen me trudging through the field to Casey's. I get there and use the phone to call Amoco since they take AAA, so at least it'll be free. I call and the lady tells me her husband just left for a towing...in Pumpkin Center (shout-out to you, my peace-lovin'-coffee-crazed buddy!). I told her that my car was running, with the dome light on, and my house keys, everything was in there so I really couldn't wait. She tells me to call Boyles. I call him and he says he'll come open it. Saved! I then begin the long trek back, parting with the words "stay warm!" from the gas station person. Ha ha. I walk back and sit on my porch, like a yutz, in the freezing cold, thinking about how warm the inside of my car must be. The guy gets there about 10 minutes later and I'm praying that he'll at least have trouble opening it so it'll be somewhat worth my $25.00. And he does! He has to consult a book and tries several times to open it while I stand nearby, eyeing my car. He gets it open, is paid, and I, think ruefully, at least I don't have to scrape my windows!

A helpful hand

For those of you who have missed my McD's stories, here are some new ones for you. So, the other day, I was put in the pit, so I'm taking orders and getting money. Well, during lunch "rush," it can get pretty hard to do both, so sometimes they'll send someone back to take orders for you, which they did. The guy of their choice is a really nice guy, but he felt that he needed to help me get money. That consisted of him reaching over to my screen to push the "total" button and then the serve button once they have paid. Now, I am fully capable of pushing both of those buttons on my own, plus, in order to do that, he had to lean way over all up in my business so he could see the screen. Then, when I was given change (note to all McD drive-throughers, please don't give me a fist full of change and drive off, that's no fun for me, and more than one person has given me the wrong change, which makes my drawer short. You can wait the extra 5 seconds it'll take for me to count it.), I laid it all on the counter to count it, and he decided to sort it into piles for me. Oookay. Then when I opened the register, he proceeded to try and help put it all away. Nice gesture, but that really is not a two-person job. I could handle all of this, but the kicker was when he decided to help me SHUT my cash drawer, which resulted in him shutting my fingers IN it...twice. Luckily the rush died down and he was called back up front, leaving me bewildered and asking myself, "did he really just shut my drawer for me?"

I thought that was just a fluke, but yesterday, I was back in pit and another one of my coworkers was sent back to help (different one) and to my amazement, he too decided that I needed to have my drawer shut for me. Since I was now used to this, I knew enough to move my fingers out of the way before the drawer slammed on them.

Helpful McD's tip:
Please specify the type of Happy Meal you would like to give your child. Saying, "yes, I'd like a happy meal and a number 3 please." is not helpful to us.

Adventures in Pet-sitting

I pet-sat for my friends this weekend and a good time was had by most, if not all, humans and animals involved. They have two dogs, one cat, and numerous fish. It was a simple task, letting Pippin outside to follow nature's call, feed Daisy (outside dog) and make sure all was well. I go over there and first go into the garage to fill up Daisy's water and food dishes. Her water was frozen so I was reaching in to fill it up and she comes tearing through the doggy door. Kinda freaky, because you don't know when she's coming, she just busts through the door. I finally manage to get the dish out without being bitten (playfully) and jumped on to death. I go inside and let Pippin out. I let him in the back gate, not thinking that one dog goes in, and only one is supposed to come out again. I decide I'll figure that out later and go fill up their water dishes and feed the fish. I then go outside to let only Pippin out. Hmm...not as easy as I thought. The gate only opens out, so opening it just a little and blocking it won't work. I try and open it a little, and use the knee approach, but Daisy comes barreling through and pushes past me and Pippin. Now both dogs are out so I go to the front door and open it, knowing it'll at least entice Pippin to come inside.

They both take and bait and go leaping into the house. Daisy slips on the linoleum floor and goes crashing into Pippin's water dish, so water goes flying everywhere. She then proceeds to run circles from the living room, back to the kitchen. Pippin is all excited, so he's barking and Callie (cat) is no where to be found (smart cat). I try to get Daisy to hold still for a second so I can get her back outside but she wants none of that. Enough! I squat down and ready myself for impact and let her run into me on her next pass. I grab her and try to haul her out by the scruff of her neck. Not so much. So, I finally reach down and pick her up. I'm making my way to the front door, trying not to slip on the water, holding a big black mass o' squirming puppy fun. I reach the door and open it and Pippin tries to slip by me. I slam my knee into the door frame, foiling his scheme. I regain my grip on Daisy and slip out the door, leaving a barking Pippin inside. Outside, I'm gaining ground on my destination, trying to avoid being smacked in the head by Daisy's head. She does a little quick turn to the left manuver and manages to lick my face and get a quick nip on the ol' ear. Seizing the opportune moment, she wriggles to the right, and frees herself. I quickly run to the gate and start saying "come here Daisy! Come here!" in the most excited voice I could muster. She thinks I have something wonderful for her and comes bounding in the yard. HA! Victory! Then, with a sinking heart, I realize that she's between me and the gate. After a few failed attempts, I shut the gate with her and me inside and then jump over, after I release her teeth from my leg. That done, I salvage my pride and go inside and clean up the water. I collapse on the couch and Callie makes her grand entrance. AH, the one sane pet around here. She looks at me and walks to a mat o' fun on laying on the floor. It's one of those things you put a baby on and it has dangly things they can play with. It also has a circle of plastic on it, for what reason, I know not. Callie goes and sits on the plastic and starts her grooming process. Then, she gets up slightly and looks at me. What are you doing cat? I head a noise, and then I realize that she has decided to use the mat as her litterbox. And to top it all off, she has diarrhea. Awesome.

The next days weren't so bad. I finally figured out how to only let one dog out. But now, Pippin takes off running every time I let him in our out. So twice, I had to trudge through the snow and haul him back. All in all, a good time was had.

Gas station honey

I was on my way to my brother's house and I decided that since my gas gauge was creeping up on the big ol' 'E,' I decided, not to stop and get gas immediatly, but begin the process of looking for the cheapest gas in town. I was driving in a not-so-great part of town and found my mecca. Gas was the cheapest I'd seen it, so of course, I pulled in. There were people waiting in line to fill up so I joined the herd. I was waiting for a person to leave and as she did, someone snuck in from behind who had JUST pulled in. Cheater! I sent a disdainful look in their general direction, and pulled behind another lady, who looked nervous about being there. I finally get to fill in and I'm leaning up against my car waiting. The guy who's filling up across from me walks by and looks me up and down and is exclaims "dang!" (sorry, not a KJV translation, more of a NIV - How'd you like that Finn?! Blacklinefish would exclaim "language" if I wrote what he said) Anyways, instead of being freaked out and leaping in my car, as I probably should have, I tilted my head a little (hard to describe, you really have to see it) and gave him this *uh...can-I-help-you look. (*with attitude) He looks back at me and says, "How YOU do'ing t'night?" Again, instead of taking the normal-white-female approach, I again look at him and tilt my head a little more, smile, and shake my head. You really had to see my expression to get the whole story. It loses so much in the translation. I'm sure I should have felt degraded and cheap, but as he pulled off, I thought, "that rocks, I just got hit on at a gas station!"

A Dentist Story

My next adventure takes me to the dentist, on the 23rd of December. If you put some pieces together, you might realize that choosing that date was a last-stand attempt of having clean teeth before I'm kicked off my parents insurance. So it had to be a good one. I'm not one who enjoys going to the dentist. I see no fun in it, especially now that I don't get a toy from the prize box (I milked that box for all it was worth. I was reachin' in up until my middle school days. I told them I "collected pencils," which was true for awhile, but then then left me alone with the box and I would get something else). Anyways, I get "the new lady." She's younger and said mabye a word and a short sentence to me when I first walked in. "Girl?" "you can put your coat there." I sit in the chair o' terror and let the fun begin. She tries to convince me that I need to have X-rays done. Unfortunantly, as fun as being gagged by the dentist is, as they shove the X-ray junk down your throat in a lame attempt to put it between your teeth, our insurance doesn't cover it. She started accusingly by saying, "You DO know that you're overdue for your x-rays, don't you?" I smiled non-chalantly and said, "yup." She then gives me a look and then proceeds to tell me why they are important. My mind wanders. I realize then it's my time to talk and I gently explain, "that's okay, I'm good. no thank you." That done, we commence the scraping of the teeth. Oh the joys. As if the sound of a sharp pick-e thing scraping against your teeth wasn't good enough, someone fired up the drill in the next room. I visiblly cringed. I'm counting the bars on the heat register above my head when all of a sudden, she stops scraping and gets up. I'm drawn away from the counting and watch as she reaches for hand mirror and starts, get this, FIXING HER HAIR. Who does that?! I'm sorry, is there a set "hair-check" time? After we've primped ourselves, and are fully satisfied, she goes back to the task at hand. From this point, I eye her warily. She's scraping my teeth like they're the last teeth she'll ever get to scrape, so I let out a few sighs, hoping to speed up the process. Doesn't work. I think my teeth are thinner now. Then she wheels her chair around and starts typing something on the computer behind my head. Being curious, I lean my head further back and try and see what she's typing. She looks at me from the corner of her eye, and moves her chair in front of the computer, blocking my view. What's so top secret about my teeth? Do I have hidden messages in there? Being the bigger person, instead of leaving it alone, I slowly tilt my head back every once in awhile to bug her. That done, we finally get to the cleaning part and I discover she's a spit-sucker nazi. I have toothpaste and spit and stuff foaming out my mouth, but no spit-sucker for me. I maybe got the thing 3 times in the whole process. Once clean, she pokes the mirror in there and I, again, very maturely, think of how funny it would be if I licked her mirror. That makes me very happy and I start to laugh. I do the whole silent laugh thing, so I'm shaking, trying to control myself. She then goes back to typing and me peering behind me to see. Ah, good times. I thought maybe she forgot the flossing business, but then I hear the whir of the floss being ripped from it's container and know that the best is yet to come. I don't like other people to floss my teeth. They tend to loose a sense of compassion and feeling as they saw through your gums like they're cutting down a tree in the rainforest. Finally the whole ordeal is over and I'm rewarded a toothbrush and she yawns and stretches. I grin, knowing a good time was had by all.

"Guess who's back...back again..."

Ah! Salaam and good evening (or afternoon as the case may be) to you, worthiest of friends...(that's for you, Finn)! So I've been at home and away from McD's and stuff. It ruled. A lot. I have many exciting adventures to share now. Hmm....where should I start? I did decide to break up my stories into separate posts, because the thought of reading one long blog makes me sleepy. It's kinda like when people send really long emails. I open the email, see how long it is and decide that if it's really important, I'll hear about it in person. So I close it and "save it for another time."

Anyways. I'll start with Christmas shopping. I am the classic last-minute shopper, although this year, I was done the day before Christmas Eve. First of all, I am not a shopping kind of girl. If I'm in the right mood, it's fine, but I get distracted easily. I decided to hop the state line and go to Oak Park Mall (yes, I ventured into JOHNSON county on my own free will). I could've sworn I walked into Dillards, but it must have been Nordstroms because the prices were WAAAYYY above my level. I saw a fun skirt and for giggles, looked and the price, and very maturely exclaimed (out loud) "Are you SERIOUS?!" I got a sideways glance from one of the employees, so I smiled politely and walked away. I realized this was not my store and left quickly. But have you ever noticed that they always put the perfume section of death right by the entrance/exit? I despise going through there because all the perfume people stand, armed with a sample bottle, ready to spray any unsuspecting customer with a fragrance that you might like at first, but will end up hating by the end of the day because it lingers. I find the best way to avoid unneccesary spraying is to avoid all eye contact and push through, keeping your eye on the prize. (Saddu would totally understand my tactics here) I took a deep breath and plunged through. Much to my dismay, there weren't a lot of people to help distract and the white-coated perfumers were poised and ready. I had to do some manuvering. I decided to go straight through, but faked them out with a quick dart to the left around a display. I saw a woman in white step slightly forward, but I did the "oh man, I'm so late, look at my watch" manuver and avoided her. Half-way through now. My next manuever was golden. I targeted the classic family (dad, mom, stoller, young child) and joined them from the rear, pretending I was with them. It worked beautifully! The woman was enticed to stop, which brought our entourage to a halt. I almost lost my momentum there, because I was so focused on the exit that I almost ran into dad. But I jerked to a stop, did I slight spin, and freedom was mine!