Pirate for Congress

This guy rules. He almost makes me want to move to Iowa just so I could vote for him. I say almost, because of the whole moving to Iowa thing. So Mr. Hill will have to have my symbolic vote.

If only more politicians could be this raw. Some of my favorite parts:

"Chain-whip me if I ever ride in a limo"

"What you see is what you get. I am the only drunken Pirate seeking office in this great nation. What a sad testimonial to our political system when a degenerate like me, feels like the most honest candidate on the ballot. "

"Can the American voter accept a flawed person or even down right ugly one to represent them? "

"I would have your wife right in front of you. I would smoke the last of your glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your liquor cabinet dry. However, know this my friend. I will never break an oath to uphold the public trust. My affidavit will be signed in my own blood. A Pirates crimson mark, with real binding effects into my after life. Laugh if you will then ask yourself if you could do it. "

"My grades were below average as were my mile times. If I were in school today there would surely be some unpronounceable learning disorder tagged on me. The Pirate blames instead a restless mind and an urge to wander for my poor academic performance. One must be accountable to himself to stay honest. "

"The apathy and lazy attitude of voters has left our Congress crippled by Shysters (language)."

Pirates rule.