A Dentist Story

My next adventure takes me to the dentist, on the 23rd of December. If you put some pieces together, you might realize that choosing that date was a last-stand attempt of having clean teeth before I'm kicked off my parents insurance. So it had to be a good one. I'm not one who enjoys going to the dentist. I see no fun in it, especially now that I don't get a toy from the prize box (I milked that box for all it was worth. I was reachin' in up until my middle school days. I told them I "collected pencils," which was true for awhile, but then then left me alone with the box and I would get something else). Anyways, I get "the new lady." She's younger and said mabye a word and a short sentence to me when I first walked in. "Girl?" "you can put your coat there." I sit in the chair o' terror and let the fun begin. She tries to convince me that I need to have X-rays done. Unfortunantly, as fun as being gagged by the dentist is, as they shove the X-ray junk down your throat in a lame attempt to put it between your teeth, our insurance doesn't cover it. She started accusingly by saying, "You DO know that you're overdue for your x-rays, don't you?" I smiled non-chalantly and said, "yup." She then gives me a look and then proceeds to tell me why they are important. My mind wanders. I realize then it's my time to talk and I gently explain, "that's okay, I'm good. no thank you." That done, we commence the scraping of the teeth. Oh the joys. As if the sound of a sharp pick-e thing scraping against your teeth wasn't good enough, someone fired up the drill in the next room. I visiblly cringed. I'm counting the bars on the heat register above my head when all of a sudden, she stops scraping and gets up. I'm drawn away from the counting and watch as she reaches for hand mirror and starts, get this, FIXING HER HAIR. Who does that?! I'm sorry, is there a set "hair-check" time? After we've primped ourselves, and are fully satisfied, she goes back to the task at hand. From this point, I eye her warily. She's scraping my teeth like they're the last teeth she'll ever get to scrape, so I let out a few sighs, hoping to speed up the process. Doesn't work. I think my teeth are thinner now. Then she wheels her chair around and starts typing something on the computer behind my head. Being curious, I lean my head further back and try and see what she's typing. She looks at me from the corner of her eye, and moves her chair in front of the computer, blocking my view. What's so top secret about my teeth? Do I have hidden messages in there? Being the bigger person, instead of leaving it alone, I slowly tilt my head back every once in awhile to bug her. That done, we finally get to the cleaning part and I discover she's a spit-sucker nazi. I have toothpaste and spit and stuff foaming out my mouth, but no spit-sucker for me. I maybe got the thing 3 times in the whole process. Once clean, she pokes the mirror in there and I, again, very maturely, think of how funny it would be if I licked her mirror. That makes me very happy and I start to laugh. I do the whole silent laugh thing, so I'm shaking, trying to control myself. She then goes back to typing and me peering behind me to see. Ah, good times. I thought maybe she forgot the flossing business, but then I hear the whir of the floss being ripped from it's container and know that the best is yet to come. I don't like other people to floss my teeth. They tend to loose a sense of compassion and feeling as they saw through your gums like they're cutting down a tree in the rainforest. Finally the whole ordeal is over and I'm rewarded a toothbrush and she yawns and stretches. I grin, knowing a good time was had by all.