Pirate for Congress

This guy rules. He almost makes me want to move to Iowa just so I could vote for him. I say almost, because of the whole moving to Iowa thing. So Mr. Hill will have to have my symbolic vote.

If only more politicians could be this raw. Some of my favorite parts:

"Chain-whip me if I ever ride in a limo"

"What you see is what you get. I am the only drunken Pirate seeking office in this great nation. What a sad testimonial to our political system when a degenerate like me, feels like the most honest candidate on the ballot. "

"Can the American voter accept a flawed person or even down right ugly one to represent them? "

"I would have your wife right in front of you. I would smoke the last of your glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your liquor cabinet dry. However, know this my friend. I will never break an oath to uphold the public trust. My affidavit will be signed in my own blood. A Pirates crimson mark, with real binding effects into my after life. Laugh if you will then ask yourself if you could do it. "

"My grades were below average as were my mile times. If I were in school today there would surely be some unpronounceable learning disorder tagged on me. The Pirate blames instead a restless mind and an urge to wander for my poor academic performance. One must be accountable to himself to stay honest. "

"The apathy and lazy attitude of voters has left our Congress crippled by Shysters (language)."

Pirates rule.

This rocks

I found this little gem today: http://littledemocrats.net

That rules. I read a few of the sample pages, and I'm so tempted to buy it. But I think I'll refrain. More books should be made like this - bedtime stories at their finest.

Carry on.

One sugar, or two?

McDonnie's new marketing ploy around this hoppin' city is that they will now put your sugar and creamer into your coffee BEFORE you get it. Oh yes, that's right. You order a large coffee with three sugars, one cream, and when you pull to the last window to receive your caffinated beverage, no messy sugar packets for you! Why? Because your three sugars, one cream, are already dissolving in your hot coffee, spreading their creamy sweetness to perfection for your first sip (caution: contents extremely hot). Amazing!!!

Oh wait. Too bad my old McDonnie's has already been doing that for quite some time now. Way to finally catch up, oh innovative metropolis! I have been disappointed on occasion when I get coffee and ask for sugar or creamer and have been handed a fistful of sugar packets. I refrain from giving them a disdainful look. It's nice that I can now enjoy the same comforts here as I did there.

But syriously, the radio stations have been going crazy over this new wave o' higher customer satisfaction. One station even sent their people on-site this morning to 'celebrate' in this new phenomenon. I wonder if it took extra training? Ha! Probably did. That makes me happy. I bet I would've tried to get out of it.

So, I send a shout-out to my former employer, because I'm lovin' it. May you continue to lead the way in customer satisfaction for years to come!

Things I've asked for at my job:

-Summer's off (with full pay, of course)
-Field trips
-Paddleboat (for the lake out front)
-Margarita Machine
-Mandatory nap time
-Laptop (so I can work from outside)
-Buffalo skin rug
-Cheese curds from Wisconsin*
-Pralines from New Orleans
-Something Elvis from Memphis
-Heated leather chair (with a built-in cupholder)
-Taking time off to celebrate Kwanzaa
-To be able to go to Carter's funeral